One thing I realize about myself is that I spend TOO much time worrying about other people. Unfortunetly, in the negative context. I worry about people I care about hating/not liking me, being upset or mad at me, etc. I hate that I do that, because well, the majority of our worries amount to nothing in the end. Making relationships have always been something I've been pretty good at. But if I have an argument or falling out with someone I care about, my first reaction is that they hate me and we'll never speak again. I think about it everyday, all day. And nothing good comes out of it. Sometimes we just have to agree to disagree I guess. I hate not resolving things. If it's something stupid, then obviously we can just forget about it and move on. But if I'm spending days in misery over it, it's clearly not something stupid. It's so hard for me to just "get over it" and pretend nothing happened. But I finally decided to make a decision. Regardless of how hurt I am, how upset I am, or how much stress/worry I have that causes me to feel so many other things, we are ALL important.
Instead of turning these last few days of misery into weeks and months of misery, I decided to focus on myself. There's goals I have set, a few of them I am SO close to, but I let my feelings get in the way of succeeding. See, it's more of our mindset, not skill that determines whether or not we will fail or succeed. I want to succeed. There are so many things I want to do, and I can't spend my time being mad at someone else. Someone hurt me? Okay, so I won't worry about them for a while. You gotta know when enough is enough. Not necessarily when to walk away, but give yourself some space, and time. Focus on the things that make you happy, focus on the goals and dreams that YOU CAN ACCOMPLISH, and don't let negative feelings stop you. It is SO important to believe we can do something. If you have all this hatred and negativity inside you because of someone else, you start to look down on yourself. "No one cares about me." "No one loves me." "I'm not, or ever will be good enough." "I can't do it." You can do ANYTHING you set your mind to. There are so many people that love and care about you, but if at the time you don't realize it, God loves and cares about you more than anything. He put you here for a reason; you have a genuine purpose. If you feel alone, look to Him. God will never bring you TO something that he can't bring you THROUGH.
God has Blessed me in so many ways, and I'll admit, I haven't always been as appreciative as I should be. I can spend an endless amount of time dwelling on things that have upset me, but I don't make the time to do what really matters. Like I've said before, people can tell when you're genuine and when you're not. If you want to be happy, help someone else be happy. Don't focus on your problems, focus on your victories!
Prayers&Positivity
Becka
Monday, July 2, 2012
Sunday, July 1, 2012
How I Feel-personal
I hate how contradictory people are. Like I mentioned in yesterday's blog, people I had nothing but respect for contradicted everything they stand for, and now I can't say I look up to that. People spend too much time trying to portray a "perfect" image for their career/peers, but people don't respect "perfect" people. We respect people who are real. People make mistakes, we do stupid things, our feelings get hurt, we seek people to talk to, we have bad days, we sometimes need someone to just reach out to us, to feel needed and important. It doesn't matter if you live in a mansion, on a lake, own a fancy car, wear fancy clothes, own a multi-million dollar business. When we die, all that goes away. So many people I feel like start out "innocent" and average. They accomplish a huge goal, or become famous and start getting more and more attention, and before you know it, that fame has instantly gone to their head. Your fans aren't your friends. And that goes for anyone, "famous" or not. If you want to surround yourself with people who are constantly praising you and telling you everything you want to hear, and kissing your behind, be my guest. But it's only going to portray a worse version of you. Sometimes it hurts, but I surround myself with people who genuinely care about me and will tell me exactly how it is. Now I'm not saying surround yourself with negative people who are constantly yelling at you and picking out your flaws. Not at all. But when you're stuck between right and wrong, be around people you know will truthfully help you out.
Lately I've distanced myself from a lot of people. I'm spending a lot of time by myself. For me to willingly do that, that definitely shows there's some changing going on. I hate being alone all the time. I mean, yeah, a few days away from people and having time to myself is charished, just like anyone else. But I'm talking about spending days upon days kind of isolated. The worst part is that I just don't know why everyone around me is changing. I know they say if you feel like everyone around you is changing, you need to look at yourself. And I have. But I honestly don't feel like it has to do with me. I used to have my "support team" that consisted of 7 people I truly cared about and respected, and I felt like they genuinely cared about me and had respect for me. Lately, people do things without thinking, and after so many strikes I've just started distancing myself. I just can't take the heartache anymore. My feelings are literally getting hurt left and right. I make plans, someone screws them up. I try to talk to someone and I get screamed at, I distance myself and I feel lonely, I make mistakes, I'm expected to be perfect. Out of those 7 people, I literally only tolerate 3 of them anymore. 4 on a good day. The other 3 I just have no wish to deal with them. You know, like "If you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all."
I kind of feel trapped. People say "That's not the Becka I know." Why? Because I started defending myself? Because I make mistakes? I mean, I'm not Jesus, I'm not perfect. And I most certainly don't think or act like I am. I don't like when people try to mold me or brainwash me into the person they want me to be. I know who I am. I know what I want, and what I deserve. People are probably fed up with me right now, they probably don't want anything to do with me right now. What we need to realize is that teenagers are the most misunderstood people. One day we're happy-go-lucky, and the next we hate everyone and everything around us. I know that that is exactly how I am at this point, and people expect me to just snap out of it. I hate that I act like that just as much as the next person, but I can't necessarily just "fix" it.
If you need space, just ask for it. If you need help, just ask for it. If people aren't being respectful of you or giving you what you need, you have to know when to walk away.
Prayers&Positivity
Becka
Lately I've distanced myself from a lot of people. I'm spending a lot of time by myself. For me to willingly do that, that definitely shows there's some changing going on. I hate being alone all the time. I mean, yeah, a few days away from people and having time to myself is charished, just like anyone else. But I'm talking about spending days upon days kind of isolated. The worst part is that I just don't know why everyone around me is changing. I know they say if you feel like everyone around you is changing, you need to look at yourself. And I have. But I honestly don't feel like it has to do with me. I used to have my "support team" that consisted of 7 people I truly cared about and respected, and I felt like they genuinely cared about me and had respect for me. Lately, people do things without thinking, and after so many strikes I've just started distancing myself. I just can't take the heartache anymore. My feelings are literally getting hurt left and right. I make plans, someone screws them up. I try to talk to someone and I get screamed at, I distance myself and I feel lonely, I make mistakes, I'm expected to be perfect. Out of those 7 people, I literally only tolerate 3 of them anymore. 4 on a good day. The other 3 I just have no wish to deal with them. You know, like "If you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all."
I kind of feel trapped. People say "That's not the Becka I know." Why? Because I started defending myself? Because I make mistakes? I mean, I'm not Jesus, I'm not perfect. And I most certainly don't think or act like I am. I don't like when people try to mold me or brainwash me into the person they want me to be. I know who I am. I know what I want, and what I deserve. People are probably fed up with me right now, they probably don't want anything to do with me right now. What we need to realize is that teenagers are the most misunderstood people. One day we're happy-go-lucky, and the next we hate everyone and everything around us. I know that that is exactly how I am at this point, and people expect me to just snap out of it. I hate that I act like that just as much as the next person, but I can't necessarily just "fix" it.
If you need space, just ask for it. If you need help, just ask for it. If people aren't being respectful of you or giving you what you need, you have to know when to walk away.
Prayers&Positivity
Becka
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