Your Subconscious Mind

Have you ever heard the saying, "Never let a woman go to sleep mad or sad."? I am quite the night owl, but when I'm suffering any sort of negative emotion such as anger, stress, or sadness, I physically cannot sleep. However, many times, I have managed to suppress those feelings to the point where I may not realize that I have them. According to my conscious mind, I'm just simply "not tired". 

          The subconscious mind controls roughly 50-60% of our brain's capabilities. It is in charge of our most recent memories, our basic information [such as your address], and it is also where your constant thoughts, behavioral patterns and emotions are stored. The subconscious mind works closely with the unconscious mind, hence the reasoning behind why you may not know something is bothering you quite directly.

           Your subconscious stays much more aware of your surroundings than you perceive. However, it takes direction from the conscious mind. Meaning, your subconscious will only reveal the feelings in which you continuously think about. If you are someone who suppresses emotion, and forces yourself to think the opposite, your subconscious will model those feelings. But It is not quite that easy. Your subconscious is responsible for fight or flight responses. So for example, if you have to give a presentation in class, and you feel nervous, trying to convince yourself to relax won't do the trick.

         The subconscious is the only part of the brain that runs 24/7, and that is why you may find yourself having dreams at night that mirror suppressed feelings. Maybe if a friend angered you, but you didn't act on that frustration, but suppressed it, you might have a dream where you are lashing out. 

          The only way to put yourself at ease in any of these situations is to become self-aware. For some, that is easier said than done. You'll really need to dig deep and find the root of the problem you are having, or emotion you've suppressed. 

Prayers&Positivity 

Becka

           

"Adoption"

For those of you that don't know, my brother is adopted; however, that is his story to tell, not mine. The reason for this blog is because I want to make something a little clearer: Our parents took him home from the hospital -he is THEIR son. 

      When we were younger, kids would ask me obvious questions, such as "why do you guys look different?" At the time, it was a little strange because I never looked at him differently and it was odd to me that other people did. But now I realize that kids are curious and it's all fine and well. 

      What really bothers me is how close-minded people are to this day. My brother will be 20, and I'll be 17; so there's really no excuses at this age, other than people being either ignorant, or thinking they know things when they know zero. It shocks me that there are still people that make comments saying "your adopted brother". No, he is and has ALWAYS been MY BROTHER. He is the brother God intended for me to have. I don't look at him as "someone else's kid" or "my brother who is adopted". He's just my brother. 

        I had a friend that if I talked to about a fight I had with him, and I felt like my Dad was taking his side or something (typical sibling problems), she would make the remark, "but you're his blood daughter". No matter how mad I was about the fight, those remarks angered me more. Like I previously have said, my brother is our parent's child, just as I am. He is the son God wanted our parents to have. 

        A child who is adopted did not choose to be. They weren't born saying "I don't like my blood family, give me to this one". A lot of children are adopted because their biological parents can't give them the life they deserve. I think it's a precious and selfless thing. Regardless of the fights, the yelling, any negative thing, my brother is my brother.

         I realize that some comments are not made with the intention of offending anybody, but with topics like Adoption, you want to think before you speak (as we all should with anything). 

Prayers&Positivity 

Becka

No Friends > Fake Friends

There's so much drama that happens in middle school; at least what I remember of it. I went through a couple of situations where "friends" were using me, and then ditching me and I didn't trust many of them anymore. Being in middle school, you want to have a lot of friends, it makes you feel cooler, and you feel like you belong somewhere. My grandma always used to tell me that having no friends was better than having fake friends. I thought she was crazy at the time -I wanted people to hang out with. 

       The point of friends are for them to be there for you, as you are for them. You have a mutual trust, and people you enjoy being around. What is the point of spending time with people you really don't like all that much, you don't trust, and you all talk about each other behind each other's backs? 

        Sometimes being alone doesn't mean anything negative. It doesn't mean "you suck", no one likes you, etc. Many times, it can just mean that you know the type of people you want to surround yourself with, and you're not going to settle for less. There is however a difference between not having friends, and isolating yourself. Don't purposely cut yourself off from people, especially when you feel rejected by a group of "friends". Be yourself, and the right people will come along! 

          In school, it's hard thinking about "where am I going to sit in lunch?" "Who am I going to work with on this project?" But don't over think things. Wait until you actually walk into that cafeteria, or classroom. Just because you maybe don't have a close group to immediately turn to, doesn't mean you don't have acquaintances that will help you out. 

          It's better to have no friends than to have fake friends because especially in middle/high school, you don't want to spend all of this time being frustrated with people that feel almost like a chore to hang out with. Like I said, be yourself, and you will attract the right friends, that WILL be there for you and support you. 

Prayers&Positivity

Becka

Crying is Not Weakness

Everyone has their own perception of what "being strong" means. When I was younger, I thought being strong meant you never cried; you never had "weak moments". As I've gotten older and experienced much more in my life, I realize that that can't be further from the truth. 

       I was always taught that it was never okay to cry. I had to "be strong". That stuck with me up until a couple of years ago, and I still rarely cry in front of people, but yes, I do cry sometimes. We all do. And no, it does not make us weak.

        Everyone has moments where they need to let out all of the negative energy that may be inside them. And for many of us, just being able to break down and cry helps us relieve so much that we bottle up. Those moments don't make us weak. They only make us stronger. They help us delve into our issues and learn from them, rather than keeping things inside, and pretending they don't exist. 

         Being strong is being able to realize that your life is not perfect; realizing what issues you are facing, understanding them, and coping with them. In some cases, letting everything out can only help you, not hurt you. The only way to sort through these things is with a clear head, and if in order to do that you need to let out some tears, that is 100% okay.

        From my past experiences, anyone who tells you that it's not okay to cry, are the weakest. They're the ones that don't have their life together, but try to pretend they do. Strong people don't have to pretend; they know they aren't perfect, and they embrace it.

Prayers&Positivity 

Becka 

         

Don't Give Up!

No matter where you go, what you do, what you say, how you feel, how you dress, etc. there is ALWAYS going to be at least one person that tries to bring you down and criticize you. Why? Because you're above them. They are afraid of your success. What does that mean? Keep doing what you love, keep pursuing what it is you want to be successful at. Whether it's a career, personal goal, or just the way you think. 

       The people that become most successful are the ones who refuse to give up. They don't take ANYTHING from anybody and the belief they have in themselves is all the drive they need. Of course it always helps when you have people supporting and encouraging you, but even if you don't, that doesn't mean you're wrong.

         Success is not based on popularity. You could have twenty people surrounding you, but that's not going to get you to the top. 

          I have a friend who is seemingly kind of a "black sheep". Their interests are different than a lot of people our age, their views are slightly different. I constantly see them battling people telling them what they can and can't do, that their opinion or thoughts are "wrong", but what I love about them is that despite all of that, they haven't changed one thing about their interests or thoughts. 

           It's people like that that inspire me. In life, people are going to try to get you off track and make you feel unimportant; they're going to tell you that you can't do it. I want you to pay close attention to this: the reason someone will tell you "you can't do it", is because THEY can't do it. They can't dream as big as you can, they don't have half of the determination that you have. No matter what ANYONE will tell you, NEVER give up!

Don't Know? Don't Talk

I know I have said this before, but the first thing that comes to my mind when I get irritated with a person is "what might they be dealing with internally?" It is so important to stop and think about that before you say something harsh to someone. Maybe that person has family issues, they're depressed, a relative passed, maybe they're fighting with a close friend. If someone says something negative to that person, it could be very detrimental. 

       You shouldn't say something harsh to somebody anyway, but thinking that question in your head might prevent that. Everyone is fighting a battle, and many people are skilled in hiding it. If someone is "use to" dealing with pain, you might not be able to tell that there is something wrong, but that doesn't mean they aren't dying on the inside.

       Try to be positive and kind to everyone you encounter. Sometimes a person just needs one compliment, one piece of advice, or even just a smile. It costs absolutely nothing to be nice. I know this may sound repetitive, but I can't stress this issue enough. If you speak rudely to a person, and then find out afterwards that maybe a tragedy has occurred recently in their life, that only leaves the both of you feeling terrible. And sometimes, "sorry" doesn't mean much. You can't take back anything you said.

       The phrase "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me" is a lie. Broken bones can be healed, and eventually be like new again. But someone who's been bullied, will be a changed person forever. And a lot of the time, they've changed for the worst. Their self esteem, body image, trust, and perception is demolished. 

        Your words can break someone, or make them. What will your words do? 

What Will Your Last Words Be?

This may sound cliche, given that the term "words hurt" is used frequently, but words DO hurt. I always keep in the back of my head that I don't know what someone might be going through in their personal life. I try to be positive to every single person I interact with. I'm sure we've all seen the power points of the kids and teenagers that have committed suicide due to bullying. They break my heart. It costs absolutely nothing to be nice to someone. It really makes me think though. If someone you knew committed suicide due to bullying, would you want to be one of the people that led them there? 

       This is a more personal story that I've decided to share with you. It goes to show you that as positive as I am and as much of a role-model as I try to be, I make mistakes. And this is a mistake I will have to live with for the rest of my life. 

      -Roughly four years ago, I was talking to someone who I feel took part in taking away my childhood, one of the people I wanted to run from.[Reference to my previous blog] As a twelve-year-old, your definition of standing your ground, and the legitimate definition are completely different. I said a lot of hurtful and vulgar things. 

      I hadn't talked to them since, which didn't ever effect me. But three years later, I had posted something pretty disrespectful on one of my social media sites. It was a generic statement, but the person saw it and from what I was told, said "I am going to die knowing that that little girl hates me." 

       When I was confronted about it, of course I just got defensive and had the mentality than it was my page, and I should be able to write what I want. 

      I knew I should probably try to make it right. I was given a second chance. All I had to do was send a message. I kept putting it off and putting it off.

     I never realized how sick this person was. They had been in and out of the hospital like crazy. I thought their statement was a little extreme at the time. But, 5 months later, I got the news that that person had passed away. They were right. They died thinking I hate them. And I have to live with that for the rest of my life. I can't take back what I said, there's no other chance for me to be able to make it right. 

     "Make sure you taste your words before you spit them out." I cannot stress that enough. Tomorrow is never promised.